I Always Fear…

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“In obedience there is always fear, and fear darkens the mind.”

– Jiddu Krishnamurti

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I always fear to be alone and yet I enjoy solitude. The quite time alone away from people, away from the world, away from misery, away from pain, and from every single heartbreak gives me great satisfaction in my heart. However, the longer it gets leads to nothing but the feel of despair and abandonment.

I always fear to trust people and yet the few that have gained my credence have succeeded in unleashing their plague of disappointments and betrayal. Making me to pull up my shield, to raise my guard, to build a wall so tall that no one can be able to climb in once again.

I always fear to get hurt and yet I’ve gone through so much pain that I cannot possibly fathom. Since there’s no greater pain which can be inflicted by the people you care and hold dear, that you once thought they were covered by flawlessness but in reality they’re like wolves hiding under a lambskin.

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“Fear is such a powerful emotion for humans that when we allow it to take us over, it drives compassion right out of our hearts.”

– Thomas Aquinas

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I always fear to love someone/something so deep and yet this has become my biggest weakness.  It’s hard to fight what the heart wants even though its reasoning are exceeding unexplainable and sometimes there’s no happy ending. It’s beyond control and no matter how much I try to avoid it, it’s hopeless.

I always fear to dream and yet I’ve been dreaming since the day I couldn’t remember. The thought of making those dreams into reality fills me with untold enthusiasm and infinite hope. But the thought of those dreams perishing away despite the countless effort which has been put to work frightens me so much that there’s no awakening in this.

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In the end becoming fearless isn’t the point. It’s learning how to control your fears, and be free from it.

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Have a productive weekend ahead and stay safe.

Dorie